'Twas the night before Christmas

The Home Counties version

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse
Yes, even the mice in their holes slumbered deep
While the people were snuggled in beds, fast asleep

When the silence was split by a sound on the roof
Just the tiniest scratch, like the step of a hoof
And then scuffles and murmurs that might just suggest
That a person was squeezing down our chimney breast

From the living room hearth a loud scream rent the air
Clearly someone had found the bear trap I'd left there
So to any strange men who break in, let's be clear:
You've been warned how we deal with trespassers here

Merry Christmas